Anser Journal

Couch of Doom

By Leah Mueller

My next-door neighbor
found an upholstered

couch on the curb,
with only a couple of
threadbare patches.

Thrilled as a hunter,
ignoring his slipped disks
and untreated diabetes,

he lugged his prize
several blocks
into his living room.

As soon he placed the couch
in an ideal spot beside
his widescreen television,

swarms of bark scorpions
emerged from
underneath the cushions,

claws bared,
hostile tails waving.

His wife shrieked,
and all three
of their tiny dogs
began yapping.

It didn’t take much
under normal conditions
to set them off,

and the sight
of a scorpion couch
was more than
they could bear.

My neighbor decided
he didn’t need
a couch after all,

so he dragged
its heavy carcass
to the alley,

where it remains
to this day.

No one knows
what happened
to the scorpions.


Leah Mueller is an indie writer and spoken word performer from Bisbee, Arizona. Her most recent books, “Misguided Behavior, Tales of Poor Life Choices” (Czykmate Press), “Death and Heartbreak” (Weasel Press), and “Cocktails at Denny’s” (Alien Buddha) were released in 2019. Leah’s work appears in Midway Journal, Citron Review, The Spectacle, Miracle Monocle, Outlook Springs, Atticus Review, Your Impossible Voice, and elsewhere.