IN THIS HOUSE WE’RE ONLY ALLOWED TO WATCH PG13 MOVIES BECAUSE RATED R HAS TOO MUCH GORE APPARENTLY UGHHHH
and it’s just so frustrating to live like this
to walk on eggshells
afraid to put on
without hearing you squeam every 5 seconds in your chair.
sometimes i just wanna bro out a bit and watch bruce willis light motherfuckers up with an uzi,
left and right—excuse my french.
tbh i feel like you’re holding me back and that i’m missing out on so many good things that would make my life exponentially better, like
the chance to franchise a mcdonald’s
that sells shamrock shakes year-round.
between you and me: i don’t have the capital or mental energy to make that happen but it’s a pretty brilliant marketing strategy, ya?
i would open a spot up right across the street from your office building since the traffic to get one of those shakes would tack on an extra 10 mins to your commute at night.
nothing substantial, but just annoying enough to remind you how
wrong we are for each other
and that no matter how much
we communicate ™️
our relationship will never work out in the long run,
unfortunately. how sad. how sad. :)
I HAVE THIS IDEA FOR A NOVEL ABOUT A MANBUN BUT YOU THINK IT’S KINDA STUPID SO WHATEVER
in this novel we meet our hero:
manbun the manbun
and he is the last manbun on earth after
the hipster revolution
that resulted in lots of burned down luxury apartment whole food complexs across the united states.
i don’t have much plotted out yet but think
world war z meets home alone 2:
just a scared and helpless manbun looking for protection...
for anything in this crazy messed up world.
if I’m being honest with myself, my attention deficit is even worse than usual these days
so the chances of finishing this are rather slim.
i just hope hbo sees enough potential and options manbun the manbun for 3 seasons, 50 episodes.
i think it has a shot to be the next lost.
i’ll probably use that sweet cable money to buy us a little ranch
in montana where we can live out the rest of our days
watching horses race, wondering how it’s even possible
for them to have over 200 bones in their bodies.
freakin wild, man.
TECHNICALLY, SINCE CENTURY FOX IS NOW OWNED BY DISNEY, THIS MEANS THAT THE XENOMORPHS FROM THE ALIEN FRANCHISE, BEING BORN FROM THE XENOMORPH QUEEN, ARE NOW DISNEY PRINCESSES
being the purist that you are
you’re not so sure that these slimy creatures deserve any
royal recognition from the public
because it could set a bad precedent and really mess of the magicalness of disney
i for one however
welcome our new evil lady lords
with open arms
as i think they make a perfect role model for people to look up to
xenomorphs are asexual in nature and don’t need no man to wreak havoc on civilization.
idk about you
but that sounds pretty badass to me.
you can keep your pathetic ariel.
i’m team xenomorph 100%
and i’m kinda curious if any of them are in the market for their own prince charming
Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. He can be followed on Twitter @sbb_writer. He tweets a lot about Adam Sandler.